Affetuoso
by herzeleidx
Summary: Is letting her go the same thing as losing her? [ RikuxYuffie ]
1. Introduction

_Introduction_

**Please read section below. It will help to understand the concept.**

Okay, in order to get back into the swing of things I decided to start of with something short and simple but at the same time challenging so I'm not letting myself get off TOO easy. I came up with the idea to write a large collection of drabbles starting with one character (human) of Kingdom Hearts and writing all possible parings for that character and then moving on to the next character and writing all possible pairings for that one and so on and so forth.

I.E. Riku. He is the first character I am choosing to begin these drabbles with, I have come up with as many characters as I could think of at the moment to write him with. Now, of course I believe there will be many more and I may want to give some OC's a try so if you could leave suggestions in messages or reviews giving characters from other Square Enix games or your very own OC's (including their information) I will do my best to write a story with them.

I will also be taking requests on stories so at the end of each drabble I will announce the next pairing and I will be open to ideas/suggestions/etc.

**All Possible Pairings thought of for Riku so far (remember to leave suggestions!):**

Riku x Axel

Riku x Sora

Riku x Yuffie

Riku x Aerith

Riku x Cloud

Riku x Leon

Riku x Kairi

Riku x Namine

Riku x Roxas

Riku x Olette

Riku x Pence

Riku x Hayner

Riku x Seifer

Riku x Marluxia

Riku x Sephiroth

Riku x Saix

Riku x Reno

Riku x Tifa

Riku x Tidus

Riku x Wakka

Riku x Selphie

Riku x Rikku

Riku x Yuna

Riku x Lenne

Riku x Shuyin

Riku x Elena

Riku x Vincent

Riku x Auron

Riku x Olivia

Riku x Sabrina

Riku x Stevie

So yes, those are the ones I have so far. Think of any others please do tell me or if you have your very own OC. :D The last three are my OC's and I may add some others.

So anyway here comes the warning. If you haven't noticed some of these pairings are male/male or adult/minor and some people may find this offensive. If so, skip to the ones you like and don't fret over it I'm doing this for myself. Many of these stories will contain yaoi (boys kissing boys!), drugs, sex, alcohol, illegal incidents, angst, horror, blood, death, and psychological moments. And as you read this you might be like "What the…?" But I assure you that not ALL drabbles will be like that but some might. And others will be cute and mindless fluff or maybe no physically romantic situations at all. Depends on my mood.

Once again I am open to ideas.

Hopefully updates will be regular but I can't make promises. I am hoping for at least one update a week or every two weeks but three weeks at the latest.

I hope everyone will enjoy.

_Much love,_

_Herzeleidx_


	2. Osoi Teigen: Riku x Axel

_Osoi Teigen_

**Pairing: **Riku x Axel

**Summary: **He swore this time that he wouldn't go back. After all, those scars still burned. But the sensation was alluring.

**Inspiration: **_Slow Motion _by Third Eye Blind.

- - - - - - - - - -

_Hollywood glamorized my wrath I'm a young urban psychopath  
I incite murder for your entertainment, _

_Cause I needed the money,  
What's your excuse?  
**The joke's on you.**_

- - - - - - - - -

"Be careful-" The boy looked up questioningly, "It's loaded."

He nodded, his eyes and fingers carefully lingering over the cool metal object lying innocently in his hands. It was on lock, but that didn't mean accidents didn't happen. He held the gun like he was going to shoot it but made sure it was pointed at the ground. _'Couldn't it ricochet?' _

Glancing up from the enticing object he looked at his emerald-eyed boyfriend who watched him with a delicate smirk; he obviously was aware of Riku's awe. He didn't care though, he WAS fascinated. Such a compelling and powerful thing this was.

"Where did you get it?" He asked out of mere politeness, he didn't really care where his boyfriend got all the illegal things he did. He just liked to be a part of them.

Axel raised a finger to his lips and shook his head, "I'm sworn to secrecy."

Being careful to keep the gun aimed away from them Riku stepped closer to the redhead and hooked his fingers into the waistline of his tight black jeans and formed his full lips in a pout, "But you _always_ tell me your secrets…" He tugged suggestively but Axel appeared disinterested and merely shrugged.

"Too bad, baby."

Riku inwardly grinned, he liked hearing Axel call him that. He would never voice that out loud because he could never give the fiery boy that much satisfaction (it was bad enough he was on top!) but it was comforting to hear him utter it. And though in the Slums it was a haphazard to say such things to another male out loud because being gay wasn't accepted as long as it was quiet and no one was really around you were safe. The town was small and dirty, worn down and filled with bad people with bad secrets, such as Axel's. Having this sort of weapon in your house was asking for trouble but Riku knew the redhead could handle himself.

"Awww, oh well." He drawled, innocently sliding two fingers up the middle of Axel's abdomen in effect making the other shiver.

"What's with you today?"

Riku pretended to be hurt, taking his hand away and placing it in mock hurt on his chest, "Whatever do you mean?"

"You're very affectionate."

Riku rolled his eyes in thought and twisted his lips in thought, "Nothing, can't I be nice?"

"Of course you can, it's just you're not normally this kind unless it's in bed. And even then, it's different." Axel snickered and quirked a pierced eyebrow.

Riku sighed, he couldn't get away with this today it was dreary out meaning Axel was restless and observant. "My mom's been wondering where I've been going after school."

Axel's eyes, thickly outlined in kohl-eyeliner widened a fraction, "You didn't tell her…did you?"

Riku shook his head solemnly, he'd never rat out him like that. "Definitely not. I'm just running out of excuses; it's the drugs or you."

Axel swore and averted his gaze. Riku understood. It wasn't Riku's parents where the problem lied, it was Axel's alcoholic father. Riku's parents were more than accepting, and if it hadn't been for the fact Riku's dad worked with Axel's he would've already informed his parents about his new fling. But his padre couldn't keep a secret.

"Sucks your dad's a homophobe."

Axel sighed and nodded, extending his hand, demanding the gun, "I know."

Riku gave up the machine with a slight hesitation not fully wanting to disperse of the feeling it gave him. The moment kind of reminded him of _Lord of the Flies _when Jack had the knife and Ralph had the conch. Jack had the scarier weapon but Ralph was able to maintain the title of chief. Axel was Ralph. He was Jack.

Reluctantly he handed the gun over and watched as his boyfriend carefully tucked it into a black case. It looked kind of like a mini-suitcase.

"I paid sixty-dollars for this all." He said giddily, obviously trying to change the subject. His tear-drop tattoos gave him an eerie doll-like appearance as he grinned.

"Hmm…" Riku mused, allowing his eyes to linger on the redhead. He was definitely a looker, no doubt about it. His skin was porcelain and his features edgy and defined. He was tall and slender with sharp hip bones and long legs. His face was thin and his eyes were a shocking shade of green. His hair was fiery red, long and spiky. Had it not been for the grungy clothes and arrogantly childish attitude he could probably be a model or something equally as successful.

'_Axel could be anything he wanted.'_

"You're avoiding it." Riku stated simply.

Blinking once Axel coughed and looked down to inspect his painted black fingernails, "Am not."

"Are too."

"Your father can't keep secrets."

"They'd be ecstatic."

Both fell silent.

Axel rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, "I don't suppose you could tell them you're smoking pot…ehehe…" He laughed sourly, running a hand through his mass of hair.

"Not if you never want to see me again."

Scuffing the tip of his combat boot on the ground he rolled his shoulders back, "Me it is then…"

Riku smiled slightly and waltzed closer, sliding the palms of his hands up Axel's slightly sculpted stomach and chest, "You could…come stay with me for awhile." He offered in a husky voice.

The thought of him and Axel laying together in his bed, the smell of sweat and smoke lingering throughout his room after a round of incredible sex was all too appealing. _'We wouldn't have to get up for hours…' _Axel must have mimicked his thoughts because he lifted his chapped lips in a teasing smirk and snaked his arms around Riku's curvy hips.

"Maybe." He murmured, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag, turning his head to the side a bit and allowing the smoke pass in between his lips before facing his boyfriend and leaning down to capture his lips in a deep kiss. One hand resting on Riku's lower back, the other hand hovering away from their bodies a bit so that he wouldn't burn themselves with the cancer stick.

Riku grinned, eagerly returning the affection as his hands slid up his abdomen and rested lightly on his shoulders. When he thought about it, it was times like these he knew he was happy. Standing on his doorstep with Axel waiting for his parents to come home so they could be let inside and just like always Axel would stay for dinner. And even though his home might be shitty, and Axel's father might an ass hole, and being homosexual in the Slums was you just asking for abuse he was really, truly happy. He had Axel and Axel had him.

As they parted, the ghost of a smile on Riku's lips there was the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway. Axel made a move to step away but Riku squeezed his shoulders, silently telling him to remain where he was. They might as well do it now. Axel looked about nervously and rolled his eyes in uneasy resentment.

"Riku maybe now isn't the best…" He was interrupted.

"Riku! Axel! We're home!" Exclaimed Riku's as she got out of the car, her eyes passing curiously over the two but she said nothing. It was Riku's dad that broke the ice.

"About time you told us." He said, carrying the bags of groceries to the door as his wife unlocked it and ushered them in.

Riku smirked, knowing his father wouldn't be shy about these things. But the pale look on Axel's face wasn't so reassuring nor amused for that matter.

"Are you staying for dinner, dear?" His mother questioned, hurrying into the kitchen. Peering up into entrancing eyes Riku raised his eyebrows in encouragement, he could tell Axel wasn't sure. He wasn't ready for them to know yet. But he hadn't let Riku go yet, that was a good sign.

"Will you, _baby_?" He mocked, hoping to lure him in.

His lips cracked a grin and though the pale complexion hadn't left and his face was still entertaining worry he nodded, "As always."

* * *

**A/N: Maybe not EXACTLY how I wanted this to be. I hope it's okay.**

**Next Pairing: Riku x Sora.**


	3. Monstrous Sleepus: Riku x Sora

_Monstrous Sleepus_

**Pairing: **Riku x Sora

**Summary: **These tests were getting old. The promises of escaping were getting empty. Did anyone mean what they said anymore? "I'm not a monster, I'm not."

**Inspiration: **Monster, _The Meg and Dia Band_

- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_His little whispers, love me, love me.  
That's all I ask for, love me, love me.  
He battered his tiny fists to feel something.  
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.  
Monster how should I feel? Creatures lie here._

_Looking through the windows._

_I will, hear their voices._

- - - - - - - - - -

Enchanting aqua eyes peered through the glass prison, his finger tips pressed against the cool surface. _He looks so sad…_He longed to touch his soft skin again, to kiss his warm lips. It seemed like it had been an eternity since he had been in the company of other people, _real _people. His only friends now were the blank walls and his own screams of frustration.

He could see the brunet's lips move in words he could not hear as he gestured to the room that held him captive. He looked pleading, those cherry lips of his formed in a desperate pout. He saw the doctor shake his head and the brown haired boy dropped his arms in disappointment, ducking his head so that his spiky bangs shielded his eyes in darkness.

Riku knew immediately what the question had been. _"Can he leave soon?" _**"No." **_"But why?" _**"He isn't stable yet." **_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T STABLE YET?! HE'S FINE, PERFECTLY FINE!" _He knew all too well how the conversation ended, he still remained here and his lover still remained lonely. Briefly, he wondered why Sora wasn't in here with him. He kept coming back and asking the same question over and over and over again but always got the same answer. Wasn't that like a definition to something?

Oh yeah. **_Insanity- the act of repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results._**

He banged forcefully against the glass, screaming, _screaming, _begging, _pleading_ to be let out. He was OKAY he wasn't bad he never did anything wrong!

"WHY AM I HERE? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? PLEASE JUST LET ME SEE HIM!"

"_So Riku, can you tell us exactly what happened?"_

Shewasthereandshestartedyellingscreamingcursingatme.

"_What exactly did she say?"_

IhateyouRikuI**hate**you.Ineverwanttoseeyou.

"_Did she threaten you?"_

Yesshewantedtoseemedie.

"_Is that what she said?"_

YessoIhitherandshegaspedandIhitheragainandagainandshewascryingbutIjustkept**hitting**her.

"**Case Closed, the court finds Riku Yamanashi guilty of abuse and is sentenced to admission into an asylum."**

Whatnoyoudon'tunderstandshehurtmeshe**hurt**meIdidn'tmeantopleaseletmego**please**Ididn'tmeanit!

He screamed and thrashed around, tearing at the glass, the walls, himself. Anything, _anything _to stop this. Momentarily at least. He couldn't TAKE it anymore. Why didn't they believe him?! Why didn't they let him out? Why did they keep running tests, asking him questions, keeping him from the things he loved?!

"SORA!" He cried, nails scraping down his face, ripping the flesh. Crimson liquid spilled from the wounds and streaked and stained his pale complexion.

**Go ahead Riku, destroy yourself.**

That _awful _voice was whispering to him again, forcing him to make terrible promises to himself. It was what controlled him, the very source of his anger and pain and fear. He couldn't make it go away and it was always lingering and always following him and he couldn't **make it stop.**

Through blurry vision he could see Sora begin to cry as he and quite a few nurses and doctors rushed to the room. He saw the door fly open and Sora scramble through it, trying furiously to escape the doctors and get to him.

"Riku!"

He spun around as the brunet ran towards him, he could taste the blood on his chapped lips and he just stood there. The younger boy crashed into him, sending them sprawling back a few feet as Riku snaked his arms around thin hips.

"_Sora_…"

"Gods, Riku," There were tears soaking his shirt, touching his skin and causing him to shudder. He touched his face, his fingers feeling the warm sensation. He let them linger then licked the liquid off, unnoticed.

"_Sora…"_

The doctors saw it. The doctors saw him transforming before their very eyes but their calls and warnings were left unheard as Sora continued to hug his lover.

"Riku, Christ, I've missed you so much. They won't let you leave, how fucked, you're fine aren't you?"

"_Sora_, yes, of course I'm fine." There was a tone in his voice; something not right, something not normal.

"Riku…" Blue eyes blinked curiously up at the older male, his lips drawn in a straight line. Those eyes…so eerie, so haunting, so _tragic. _"Riku…what's wrong?"

Tightening his grip on the lithe boy he shook his head, choppy silver bangs falling into his face but he bothered none with them, he just began to rock the boy back and forth. "Nothing, _Sora_, nothing at all." His hands slid up the boy's sides and to his throat where his fingers caressed soft skin lovingly.

"R-Riku…"

"Hush…" He soothed, a twisted smile creeping it's way onto his blood-stained lips, "Don't be scared…"

"Riku…s-stop."

He continued to stroke the skin, "You're so beautiful _Sora, _so young, so innocent, so _delectable._"

Sora's eyes widened considerably as he tried to pry Riku's hands from his throat, "RIKU. STOP IT RIGHT NOW."

"Stop what, love?"

"STOP! STOP IT! STOP STOP **STOP**! YOU'RE SCARING ME."

He froze, his features drawing a blank but his mind rattled.

JesusChristI'mscaringhim. He'safraidofme. Ipromisednottohurthim. FuckwhatamIdoing?

**That's it Riku, destroy him, destroy you, destroy them.**

With a strangled cry he lurched forward, the hot sting of bile burning his throat as he heaved up whatever contents filled his stomach. Sora stepped away quickly, back to the doctors who were now ringing for guards. He was sick until his stomach was empty, and when he looked back up his face was pale, his eyes were dull and some strands of hair were clinging together due to sweat and vomit.

"I-I'm o-okay Sora, r-right?" He whispered, taking a shaky step forward, "I-I'm al-alright."

A pained look crossed Sora's features, he wanted so desperately to be with him when he looked so terrible.

"I l-love you, d-don't leave…"

"_WHERE ARE THE GUARDS?"_

"I love you."

"I-I-I…"

"I. LOVE. YOU. SORA."

"I-I love y-you t-too."

"Take me with y-you."

"Riku…"

He ran forward, beginning to wail as Sora was ushered out of the room and he was faced with two guards, one of them carrying a needle. He faltered in step, nearly falling over as the one guard readied the needle.

"N-no, please."

There was a sharp pain and a loud gasp of pain before everything stopped spinning.

- - - -

When Riku opened his eyes again, there was a bright light that sent white hot flashes of pain through his head and he could hear voices.

"…Will he be alright?"

"That's what we're hoping, he'll start medication soon."

His mind cleared a bit and he made a move to sit up but discovered it difficult.

_Wha-?_

His arms were strapped to his sides; he was in a straight jacket.

"Wh-where am I?" He croaked, wincing at his voice and dry throat.

"You're in a lab, Riku."

Sora? Did he still want to see him?

"W-why?"

"You had a break down, they had to sedate you. They ran tests, they said you're going to be alright."

"I-I wasn't alright?" It hurt him to hear this, he didn't want to be a monster.

Spiky cinnamon hair came into view, then a face, "No," Sora's voice was apathetic, "Riku, you weren't."

"O-oh…" He felt to weak to argue.

"In a few months you'll be able to come home."

"R-really?"

Sora smiled softly, reaching out and touching his lover's scarred face, "Yeah…"

He let his eyes close again, the darkness tugging at his mind and luring him towards sleep. Was he really broken? Was he really insane? That night Kairi had told him she never wanted to see him again, did that really happen?

_I don't remember…_

He remembered what she said though, whether it was real or not was left unanswered.

"_**You're crazy, Riku! Fucking crazy! There ARE no monsters! I never see ANYTHING Riku. There's something wrong with you, damnit. Something terribly wrong. You SEE things don't you get it? You see things NOBODY ELSE does. You're insane. I can't take this anymore, I can't keep losing everything because of your hallucinations. I don't want to see you again, this is disgusting. Goodbye Riku."**_

Monsters…the monsters…the voice…

"Riku, wait…wake up a sec."

Drowsily, he fluttered his eyes opened, "H-huh…?"

Sora looked nervous as he scratched the back of his neck, "Th-those uh…creatures that you uhm, saw…see…uh…spoke about. Do…do you still see them?"

Riku smiled a little, closing his eyes again.

"_Only in my dreams."

* * *

A/N: Not how I was hoping for this to end up. I kind of liked it, but I don't know...Oh well x.x _

plz review?

Also, this is dedicated to Angel of dusk, for being my first reviewer & suggesting a dark!rikuxsora. I hope you like it deary:D

Next Pairing: Riku x Yuffie


	4. What a Wonderful Lie: Riku x Yuffie

_What a Wonderful Lie_

**Pairing:** Riku x Yuffie  
**Summary:** He knew she could find someone so much better, but he kept lying  
and saying he was the only thing she had.  
**Inspiration:** _Perfect Situation_, Weezer

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_What's the deal with my brain?  
Why am I so obviously insane?  
In a perfect situation I let love down the drain.  
There's the pitch, slow and straight.  
All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Ow! Sonuvabitch." Her voice rang clear and sharp throughout the small apartment, and clear and sharp through his head. He leaned his head back on the couch and peered down at his wrapped ankle that laid pathetically propped up on a pillow. He hated not being able to do anything for himself, hated having her do everything for him. She didn't deserve that, she didn't deserve him. And no, this wasn't him getting caught up in his arrogance and self-absorb nature. It was him admitting to the fact he wasn't all that great, in fact, he was quite bitchy and more or less quite irritating.He honestly made himself sick. He liked to play pretend that he was this laid-back, overly-confident, "I-don't-give-a-fuck" kind of guy but in reality, he was the exact opposite. He was anxious and nervous and paranoid that one day she was going to leave him and he was going to break. And this frustrated him because he should've been able to trust her and he should've trusted himself and he should've been letting her do her own thing. But his own irrational fear of getting hurt kept her on a short leash. Instead of confessing his worries he reacted in anger and was constantly reminding her that he was the only thing she'd ever have.

He had her convinced she was the luckiest girl alive.

But she was probably the exact opposite.

His frustrations caused him to lash out in bitterness and treat her unfairly. He kept her from straying to far because heaven forbid she enjoy something without him! She could find someone more suited and kinder to her and that could never happen because that would mean her leaving him and THAT would mean pain. And he couldn't bear that again. He knew he was unfair and it was wrong to keep her from being her own person because he couldn't deal with the fact that sometimes things were going to hurt.

He guessed she probably didn't see it that way. She most likely thought his possessiveness and inability to let her wander off was because he was being protective because he didn't want her to get hurt. And to a certain extent, he was; he'd never feel right or okay if something were to happen to her. But a lot of it revolved around his own selfish attributes. He didn't really love her, as a good friend he did, but as someone to spend the rest of his life with now. And deep down he knew she was aware that he didn't love her and she didn't love him, but she couldn't admit it to herself because it wouldn't make sense. Why would they live together and stay together and care for each other if there was no love? She wouldn't be able to comprehend or discover that he didn't want to be alone, because, she had never really been alone herself. She'd always had friends that she kept close, and he didn't. There had been a point in time where he had lost everything.

He KNEW she should have been out with her friends instead of staying at home and tending to him. He was perfectly capable of handling a broken ankle. But a broken ankle would be the least of his worries if she found someone else. That's why he didn't let her go out. The truth was bitter because it wasn't what he wanted to hear. But he couldn't stand to have her leave him.

_'Is letting her go the same thing as losing her?'_

The question was daunting…was it? If he broke it off, if he let her flourish, would it be as painful? Would it be the same thing? He knew the answer: no, it wouldn't be. Because it would be his decision and it would be doing the right thing, for once in his life. She'd probably be angry and misunderstanding at first but eventually when she was living her own life her own way she'd think of him and discover the meaning behind it.

She wasn't stupid, no, not at all. She was really quite brilliant; witty and a problem-solver. But when it came down to matters of the heart, she wasn't the most aware. She always managed to have a positive outlook on everything, something he could never achieve. She lived for excitement and thrill- the possibility of a new adventure. He lived by 'what ifs' and logical reasoning.Putting it simply; he lived with his head, she lived with her heart. He knew, someday soon, he would have to let her go. He would have to give her up and let her live by her own rules and thoughts.

He watched her as she waltzed out of the kitchen towards him, that same bright smile on her pretty face. She didn't know it but that smile caused him to wince in agony every time because he felt like she was faking it for the both of them.

"Here," She said cheerfully, placing him a tray down on the coffee table in front of him. It held a can of soda, two white pills, and a bowl of soup, "I made this for you."

He smiled weakly, leaning forward a bit to pick up the spoon, "Thanks." He said dully. He bet she thought the lack of enthusiasm and good spirits came from his ankle, but oh, if he could just tell her.

"Not a problem." She stooped down to place a tender kiss on his forehead and when she stood back up he saw her face flash with uncertainty before she took a deep breath. "Kairi wants me to go to a party with her tonight." She said in one breath. His eyes darkened, not with anger, but with resentment. He should be letting her out.

"Um…I was hoping you could stay with me tonight, I might need your help." Those violet eyes of hers dropped in disappointment but she smiled anyway, and it made him feel worse.

"Oh, okay. I'll stay home then."

"Thanks."

"Let me get myself a bowl. I'll be right back."

"Okay."He watched her walk away and back into the kitchen, her form disappearing behind the door. He sighed after he was sure she couldn't hear him. One day, one day he swore it. She'd walk away for good and he would be okay with it because he'd be the one letting her leave.

Until then, he'd keep lying.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **Zanisha** for beta-ing. I hope it's okay...Review plz!


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